8 powerful communication skills you can use to ask for what you want
Posted on December 16, 2010 by Baxter Dickson
You think you deserve a raise. You’d like to be on the team for that new business project. You need your supervisor’s support to work through a situation with a co-worker. So, what’s standing in the way of us getting what we want? More often than you think, the obstacle is simply that we don’t ask. Or, more precisely, we don’t know how to ask.
Asking for what you want is a mini-presentation, given one-on-one. I love to see how people’s eyes light up when they make that discovery in mySpeak! Present! Influence!® workshops at
VoicePro®. Here are some simple skills that can make all the difference for you.
1. Get over your personal excuses.
The voice in your head is a far bigger threat than anyone in the real world. You don’t work for a mind reader and a straightforward conversation is a sign of courage and commitment, not whiney weakness. Stever Robbins has a great article on overcoming excuses on his website.
2. Write down what you want.
Do you really know? It’s surprising how often thoughts and wishes tumble around in our heads, but never get articulated into actionable items. You feel bored, or angry, or underappreciated, or stressed. How do you translate that into something you’re asking for? Make a list – a fresh challenge, a new software program, a raise.
3. Build a case on facts, the RIGHT facts.
Think like your audience and about what matters to the organization. The fact that you’ve been an employee for seven years isn’t a reason for a raise or a promotion. How have you contributed? What have you achieved? What skills do you have that could make a difference? Be specific – and honest. And, if you know what some of the stumbling blocks may be to your request, be ready to suggest solutions.
4. Use strong body language.
You arrive for your scheduled appointment. (You made one, right? This is no time for a surprise drop-in chat.) Breathe deeply. It will help you relax and focus. Present a strong image by sitting tall with an open posture. Don’t hunch your shoulders or fiddle with papers. Keep your hands quiet. Make eye contact. Smile and begin.
5. Be direct, but not defensive.
State your premise, give your facts. Be respectful and positive. It’s not a battle or a contest – it’s a discussion. Really listen to what’s being said, so you can respond thoughtfully. Pay attention to the other person’s body language, too. If he is nodding and smiling, you’re on the right track. If she looks tense or evasive, check your approach.
6. Be prepared to hear “no”.
A colleague of mine in sales says, “The answer isn’t ‘no’. It’s just ‘not now.’” That’s why you must be prepared to give a positive reaction to a negative response – no tears, no shouting matches, no ultimatums. Maybe the decision is fair, maybe it’s not – but don’t burn bridges.
7. Leave the room with next steps.
If the answer is “yes”, find out how you get started – or offer to make a plan for approval. If the answer is “no”, ask what it will take to get to “yes.” Either way, you know how to move toward success.
8. Say thank you.
No matter how the encounter turns out, express appreciation. Remember, your relationship will be stronger for the positive, honest discussion.
Image By Punki :)
