"I want to be a better listener," said Joe on day one of his VoicePro® workshop. He described his problem this way: "When I'm talking about something really important, I stop hearing what the other guy is saying. All I can think about is what I want to say. Sometimes I just butt in, and people look at me like I'm from another planet. It's like we're talking about entirely different things. Often, they just turn around and walk away."
Sue also wanted to be a better listener, but her issues were different. Her mind wandered all over the place: what she was doing earlier; the meeting she was heading to when this one was over; the e-mails she had to answer; her "to-do" list; her son's ball game after work... the list went on and on. The trouble was, when it finally was her turn, she hadn't a clue what was going on.
Although their inability to listen affected Joe and Sue in different ways, the same set of skills and techniques worked for them both. They learned to:
- Stop thinking so much about themselves and focus instead on the interests and needs of other people. By putting some simple but powerful exercises into play, they were able to let go of their preoccupation with themselves long enough to hear what someone else had to say.
- Make use of specific postures and body language that conveyed interest and attention to their conversation partners. A mere adjustment in posture shifted a potentially hostile discussion onto neutral ground, one where active and effective listening could occur.
- Respond empathically so other people felt heard and understood. Their appropriate responses set the stage for interactions where both parties could openly and honestly tell their side without fear of judgment.
- Create a vision for what a trusting, collaborative work relationship would look like. That vision provided Joe and Sue the motivation to listen, even when they didn't feel like it.
- Express their interests, needs and expectations in ways that kept the door open for further dialogue.
Sue and Joe left VoicePro® armed with the tools they needed to be better listeners. They also understood that effective listening is not an easy skill to master. It requires hard work. They both agreed, however, that when the relationship is a valued one, protecting and nurturing it is well worth the effort.
