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Critical Leadership Skills: Beware the “Emotional Hijack”

  

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At some time or other, strong emotions may have caused you to explode in anger. Or maybe you hid yourself away in your office to avoid an unpleasant confrontation. Or you froze, a perfect picture of the proverbial deer in the headlights. Afterwards, it was hard for you to explain exactly why you behaved so irrationally. It wasn’t like you at all. For some reason you just “lost it.”
 
It turns out that the responsibility for these all-too-human reactions lies in the connection between our emotional state and our physiology. Our nervous system is set up to protect us from danger. So, if we sense a threat, we literally feel before we think.
 
Blame it on the amygdala, a part of the limbic system at the base of our brain that acts as an alarm. If the amygdala senses a threat, it seizes control, bypasses the rational thinking areas of our brain, and triggers a fight-or-flight response. This is what we can also call an “emotional hijack.” In our history as a species, this hijack saved our lives. For example, if attacked by wild beasts, our ancestors didn’t have time to muse over their various options. They either fought for their lives, or took off in the other direction. Their behavior was instinctive and instantaneous, guided by the amygdala.
 
Unfortunately for us today, our nervous systems are still mired in prehistoric times. They can’t seem to recognize the difference between real danger and a perceived threat, such as criticism of our work or the questioning of our judgment. You know you’ve been hijacked when, in a heated moment, your feelings trigger a physiological response disproportionate to the event itself. Fear and anxiety take over and your cognitive thinking is impaired. Suddenly out of control, your emotional response gets you in trouble, your performance suffers, and you do things you very often regret.
 
Your Emotional Intelligence (EI) describes your ability to understand, manage and control the emotions of yourself, of others, and of groups. If your EI is highly developed, you know how to navigate through threatening situations and fend off unwanted fight-or-flight responses. When fear and anxiety arise, you can deal with them in a constructive way. On top of that, you know how to create and maintain a positive emotional state. Clients come to VoicePro asking how to build those critical leadership skills. Developing your emotional intelligence is a good place to start.

Here is an example of how EI can be enhanced.

Robert (not his real name) is a sales executive for a large industrial firm. He had phenomenal sales figures and good relationships with his customers because, in his words, he was always “on stage.” Off stage, it was a different story. Robert had an extremely short fuse, and with co-workers, family members, and even with friends, his temper would quickly flare. Then he would say and do things he regretted and, filled with guilt he would vow never to do or say those things again.

Clearly the Jekyll and Hyde aspects of Robert’s personality were draining him emotionally, and it became harder and harder for him to keep his temper under control. When the company began to require cross-functional collaboration, Robert was alerted to the fact that if he didn’t learn to manage himself better, his career would be in jeopardy.
 
We began working with Robert, and with guidance from his coach, he was soon able to recognize exactly what it was that pushed his buttons. He could sense the amygdala in his brain springing into action and learned how to accurately identify the emotional states that could get him in trouble. He learned techniques for staying calm when he first felt his temper rising. And he learned how to use his developing emotional intelligence to build better relationships with everyone around him. Within three months, Robert reported with amazement that his colleagues were becoming more cooperative. And he was elated when his wife told him he was a changed person. His emotional hijacking had come to an end.

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