VoicePro®

Communication Skills Mastery: The Case for Negativity

  

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At VoicePro® , one of the major tenets of our communication skills workshops is: I am responsible for each and every one of my working relationships. In part, this means I’m obligated to be courteous and respectful, to listen closely, and to be heedful of the concerns of those around me. If I do these things, people will feel collaborative towards me and will be more likely to respond to me in positive ways. Our working environment will be pleasant and collegial, due in large part to the way I act toward my colleagues.

But that’s not the end of it.

I must also be willing to examine my behavior to see where my “niceness” may be getting in the way of open, honest communication. This is more difficult than it seems on the surface. In a 1994 article by Chris Argyris, “Good Communication that Blocks Learning,” recently reprinted in a collection by the Harvard Business Review, the author addresses this very situation. In their reluctance to be negative or to put others on the spot, managers and executives tend to avoid the very issues that could lead to lasting improvements in their organizations. “In the name of positive thinking,” Argyris says, “managers often censor what everyone needs to say and hear. For the sake of ‘morale’ and ‘considerateness,’ they deprive employees and themselves of the opportunity to take responsibility for their own behavior by learning to understand it.”

This reluctance to confront isn’t the province of the executive level only. It also extends to employees, who won’t call attention to problems because “the boss doesn’t like to hear bad news,” or they might get someone else in trouble, or they have a fear that someone, somewhere will “kill the messenger.”

Back in the 1970’s, a syndrome called the Abilene paradox came to prominence. In the Abilene paradox, a group of people takes an action each individual thinks is a bad idea because nobody wants to “rock the boat.” When the Abilene paradox is in effect and well-meaning managers avoid what needs to be said and done, wrongs don’t get righted, good decisions don’t get made, and lasting change and improvement to the organization can never happen. The Abilene paradox is a humorous way to address a serious workplace problem and, in my opinion, should be revisited from time to time.

At VoicePro® , taking responsibility for your relationships means:

• You address both the positive and negative aspects of workplace behavior. You don’t let things slide in order to maintain harmony.
• You are willing to listen to bad news. If people have watched you dismiss negative information or sweep it under the rug, they will stop telling you the very things you need to hear.
• You go beyond the surface, asking not only what the problem is, but also why it occurred in the first place. You treat causes, not just symptoms.
• You’re tough on yourself. You continually analyze your own behavior to make sure you’re balancing pleasantness and courtesy with firmness and resolve.

According to Argyris, the desire to be liked is a roadblock to communication skills mastery. He ends his article with these words: “Leaders and subordinates alike—those who ask and those who answer—must all begin struggling with a new level of self-awareness, candor, and responsibility.”

 
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