VoicePro®

The Fire of Anger: Communication Skills to Douse the Flames

 by Leslie Dickson

 

At VoicePro® we hear a lot of stories about relationships gone awry – an occupational hazard, I guess. But this one may top them all. One person’s short temper (and a big ego) went a long way toward destroying a company’s reputation. You can read the full, messy story online, but here are the basics. 

A customer emailed the maker of videogame equipment to ask about the company’s delivery schedule, noting the date listed on the website had come and gone. The customer service rep (and we use the term loosely) sent a clipped and incomplete answer, so the customer sent a few follow-up questions. Another short, incomplete reply – this time with a dismissive undertone – sparked a more pointed email from the customer. 

That’s when the customer service rep set a torch to the relationship – and the company reputation. He used phrases like: “you look like a complete moron” and “sometimes we get children like you we just have to put you in the corner with your ‘I’m stupid hat’ on.” Yes, really.

What the company rep didn’t know was that the customer was a well-known gaming blogger, and the whole fiasco went very, very public. The customer service rep was summarily fired, and a new one did a masterful job to win back customer good will. More about that in a moment, but first let’s talk about preventing the anger blaze in the first place.

I hope this level of anger management isn’t an issue for you – or anyone in your company.  But who doesn’t find themselves on the verge of an ugly moment from time to time? Here are a few ideas on how to handle yourself.

Breathe through the fight-or-flight response. 

Human beings are wired to respond – but don’t. Stop, breathe, and center yourself. The first 30 seconds can make or break the situation. Still fuming? It’s perfectly acceptable to say, “I’m too agitated to talk about this right now. Let me calm down and we’ll talk in 10 minutes.” And make sure you do.

Examine your emotions. 

Are you angry because you feel attacked, disappointed, betrayed?  Frustrated because the problem isn’t your fault? Guilty because you know you had a role in creating the problem? Knowing what’s causing your anger is the first step in keeping it under control.

Focus on the issue at hand. 

Anger clouds your thinking capability. Put emotion aside and work through the problem. That requires really listening to the person who’s provoked you (rightly or wrongly) to be sure you truly hear and understand.

Turning anger to solutions.

In the crazy case of the videogame company, we also find a textbook example of how to diffuse a bad situation. Their steps can help you, too.

Start with “I’m sorry.”  

Those two words are crucial to managing a heated situation. If you or your company is at fault, it signals that you’re ready to move forward. If you’re not in the wrong, simply saying “I’m sorry you’re upset” can reset the tone. And, if you lost your temper – even if you were in the right – an apology is in order.

Make sure your body language reflects your words.

Look people in the eye. And watch out for aggressive stances – hands on hips or finger-pointing. For written responses, get a second opinion on how your attitude is coming through.

Take responsibility.

Passing the buck doesn’t solve the problem, it just puts another wall between you and the solution. By the same token, don’t throw others under the bus. As a colleague of mine used to say, “Solve the problem now, assign blame later (or never).”

Answer questions directly and honestly.

In the news story, the spokesperson went public and shared answers about what went wrong with product delivery, as well as fielding questions about what happened to the old staffer, how he got his job, why the company didn’t realize he was a problem, and on and on. He kept at it until all the voices were silenced.

Remember, anger burns everyone it touches.  Next time you feel a situation heating up, throw water on the fire, not gasoline. 

For more ideas on being a powerful communicator, follow us on Twitter or contact us for more information

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4 Communication Skills For Experienced Performers

By Scott Danielson

 

 

Shortly after I came on staff at VoicePro®, I participated in its Speak Present Influence! workshop. With years of performance under my belt and “stage presence” to spare, I was confident I would shock and awe everyone with my speaking prowess. Within five minutes, my ego was put in its place. My small supportive audience praised my enthusiasm but stated I failed to engage them personally. As the program continued, I realized I was fighting years of bad performance habits. Learning how to improve my speaking skills was a humbling experience and demonstrated that even experienced presenters have room to improve.

So, based upon my personal experience, I give you four ways for seasoned performers to become better communicators.  

#1 Connect

Most experienced performers have no difficulty conveying excitement for their subject. Being in front of a crowd is exciting, let alone speaking about a subject they view passionately. Problems arise when they’re required to connect with their audience—to really see them and speak directly to them. It would be distracting for Romeo to make eye contact with the audience while proclaiming his love to Juliet. In Romeo’s case, the audience is a spectator rather than a participant. In your case, the audience is a participant. They want to be engaged and successful engagement includes looking your viewers in the eye. As public speaking coach Robert Graham describes, imagine having small conversations with each of your audience members. The end result is a personalized experience for them all.

#2 Motivate

One of the common cliches in theater is the question, “What’s my motivation?” Even though it’s often asked humorously, it’s a question you need to ask about your audience. What do I want them to do as a result of this presentation? Stage performers have the benefit of an audience looking for entertainment. Your viewers need to know why they should care. Why is there a new office policy? Why are we adding new products? Why should I purchase your services? When people understand how they will benefit, they’re much more likely to embrace your ideas. 

#3 Embrace Stillness

Inexperienced speakers lock up when they get in front of groups. The reverse is true of experienced performers: they can’t stop moving. Waving arms may be great on a movie screen (Jim Carrey comes to mind), but they don’t convey confidence or power. For instance, I talk with my hands and had no idea how frequently I gesticulated out of impulse. While I thought I was being expressive, my audience was distracted and my grandest gestures lost their impact. By standing still and moving less, my gestures have greater impact on my viewers. Physical expression and vocal expression are very much alike. If you’re constantly yelling, no one will notice if you yell a little bit louder. But if you whisper and then suddenly raise your voice, people may jump out of their seats. In the same way, let your physical expression grow out of the power of stillness.

#4 Learn Ideas Not Lines

Speaking the correct line in familiar material is essential for a performer. Beginning to belt “Sweet Home Missouri” sticks out when “Sweet Home Alabama” is playing. Luckily, your business audience has no idea what your “script” is. So, by putting your improvisational skills to use you’ll be less likely to stumble over key phrases or specific wordings. If you do happen lose track of where you are, no one will suspect—unless your overt embarrassment lets them know. Focus on memorizing your main ideas, then relax and let your expertise speak for itself.

For more communication tips follow us on Twitter or contact us about your personal communication needs.

Sign up for Speak Present Influence! today!

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3 Word Types That Assassinate Good Communication

 by Scott Danielson

 

 

Hollywood loves assassins. Each year the silver screen is filled with deadly human predators stalking their prey, striking without warning, and disappearing into the night: veritable boogeymen. Though they don’t inspire the sensationalism and fear of their movie counterparts, three word types can be as just as deadly—to communication, that is.

#1 But

Regardless of the speaker’s intentions, “but” is a word that destroys enthusiasm. Psychologists and businessmen found that when “but” is used in a sentence, everything coming before it goes unheard—or worse yet, disbelieved. Avoid this soul-killing conjunction at all costs.  One way to get around using the deadly “but” is to substitute “at the same time.” This puts your comments on a parallel basis and softens the criticism. For example, “You’re a great worker. At the same time, your customer service skills could use some polishing.”

#2 Fillers

Fillers are the words we subconsciously throw into our conversation while we’re trying to figure out what to say. “Like” and “um” are old favorites, although sometimes it may be a short phrase. In the past, I have been known to overuse “it was funny” and “you know” and have worked to get rid of them. Although they’re inserted unintentionally, fillers attack a business speaker’s credibility.

As the movies have taught us, the best way to catch an assassin is to know his/her habits. In the case of fillers, you must first recognize them. In our Speak! Present! Influence!® workshop we listen for repeated words and phrases that show up way too often in our clients speaking. Recording yourself also helps. It’s surprising how, just by becoming aware, you’ll start to eliminate unwanted words.

Once you recognize your unique fillers, try inserting pauses instead. Many speakers fear silence; it feels awkward to them. Pauses, however, help audience and speaker alike. When you pause, you get time to collect their thoughts, gauge audience reactions, slow down racing thoughts and, yes, avoid fillers. Likewise, the audience has time to absorb the speaker’s words and respond on both an intellectual and an emotional level. The silence may seem endless, but it’s far more powerful than fillers.

#3 Jargon

In the 1999 mafia comedy Analyze This, there’s a great scene where Robert DeNiro confers with his advisers. Aware they are under surveillance, everyone involved keeps talking about the “thing” and the “other thing.” While DeNiro and his crew are well aware of what the “thing” and the “other thing” are, the F.B.I. agents, who are listening in, curse profusely as they watch their case go up in flames.

In a similar fashion, jargon buries the listener alive under an incomprehensible pile of information. At VoicePro®, we habitually use technical terms without thinking because a shared knowledge exists among all of us. Although technical terms connect you with your co-workers, they alienate any listener unfamiliar with your product or industry.  Customer interactions deteriorate when jargon enters the picture.  Aside from being frustrating and confusing, jargon also comes across as elitist, because it positions the speaker above the customer. 

To ensure understanding and positive customer relationships, develop simple ways to describe your products and services. Here’s a good rule to follow: Create explanations an eight-year-old can understand. It may sound silly, but customers and audiences alike rarely complain about an explanation being too simple.

Regardless of intent, words can carry the power of a sniper’s bullet. Don’t be an unintentional assassin. Keep watch for these three word types and deploy the appropriate counter measures to protect your business relationships.

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For more communication advice follow us on Twitter or contact us for more information

5 Management Resolutions For 2012

 by Scott Danielson

 

 

What are your New Year’s resolutions? Despite the constant change of modern society, popular New Year’s resolutions are fairly consistent from year to year. Get fit. Lose weight. Stop smoking. Spend more time with family. Reduce stress. These resolutions are popular enough to be listed on the government’s holiday website.

It’s remarkable that, notwithstanding the extensive amount of time we dedicate to our careers, only one common resolution directly regarding the workplace appears on the government’s list: Find a better job. In order to boost office morale, here are five New Year’s resolutions for managers.

#1 Be Positive

As the new year begins, managers look for ways to improve. We did this wrong. That didn’t work. Excessive negativity undermines employees’ accomplishments and destroys their confidence. Instead, look back at what they did well. Highlight their successes and emphasize your faith in their ability to continually improve.

#2 Encourage Open Communication

As we’ve discussed in previous articles, open communication is rarely rewarded. An individual who criticizes a program is often accused of “not being a team player.” And whistleblowers get clobbered. When we raise this topic in workshops, clients regularly voice their desire for “open, honest communication, without fear.” You can change your culture by initiating discussion, actively listening to suggestions, and encouraging critiques. This will ensure that you get the best ideas possible—and the most productivity—from your employees.

#3 Communicate In Person

According to a recent study, at least fifty percent of emails are misinterpreted. People will interpret your message through your vocal intonation and your body language much more than hearing your words. And since emails lack these nonverbal signals, their recipients will fill in the blanks with their own interpretations, often to your detriment. To avoid confusion, communicate in person whenever possible. The connection you make with the other person will give both of you a much clearer picture than emotionless text on a computer screen.

#4 Pay Attention

Here are two scenarios:

Manager No. 1 avoids eye contact. He stares at his computer screen while you’re presenting your ideas. Throughout a meeting, he texts while others are talking. When it’s time for him to speak, he casts his eyes down and fumbles with his notes. You feel like you’re communicating with a brick wall.

Manager No. 2 watches you when you’re speaking. She keeps her eyes on the group, checking for their reactions and picking up on their silent cues. She nods, maintains eye contact, and responds to individuals so they feel heard and understood.

Which manager would you prefer to have? Which manager would you prefer to be? When you pay attention—and that includes eye contact—you’re letting your employees know you are truly listening and they are worth your time.

#5 Embrace Your Humanity

It’s hard to let your faults show. Many managers are afraid of looking weak and put on a mask of invincibility in their employees’ presence. Unfortunately, you won’t fool many people when you do this, except perhaps yourself. A key component of credibility is the willingness to appear vulnerable—to let your humanity show. So instead of living in dread of exposure, have the confidences to openly address your mistakes. Then correct them. Your employees will respect you far more if they can see you as a human being.

For information and tips regarding management, follow us on Twitter or ask us for more information. 

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5 Reasons Communication Skills Training Won't Work For You

by Leslie Dickson

 

Does this headline surprise you? Why would VoicePro®, with decades of experience and hundreds of clients, set you up for failure?

Actually, this approach is my way of getting clients (and you!) to expect something different from presentation coaching, a deeper kind of change. So many clients in VoicePro presentation workshops arrive expecting drills on how to stand, build a PowerPoint, speak up, and look smart. It’s as if they hope to hide behind presentation skills. Actually, our philosophy is just the opposite.  

Powerful communicators simply approach the whole process with a different mindset. And that’s what VoicePro’s “inside out” development is all about – flipping the mindset switch.

Are you ready for that? Let’s see. How many of these can’t-do reasons apply to you?

#1 You want to learn how to survive in the spotlight.

That’s the viewpoint that needs refocus first. Being in the spotlight is a hot, sweaty, uncomfortable place to be. Let’s start here instead: the spotlight is on the audience. You were asked to make a presentation because someone needs information and insights you have. Putting your energy into thinking about what your audience needs to know and how you can help them is the best antidote for presentation aversion.

#2 You want to defend your position.  

Unfortunately, we see this outlook more in a difficult economy. Every presentation -- maybe every conversation – can start to feel like a potential firing offense. The stress can distract you from your goal which, as noted above, is to think about how to help your audience. Stay focused and you’ll be calmer – and demonstrate value to the organization at the same time.

#3 You want to learn the best presentation tricks.   

Have you ever been so distracted by a speaker’s unnatural gesturing or stiff enunciation that you couldn’t concentrate on the message? There are no one-size-fits-all presentation techniques. The key to success is learning to think about a presentation as a conversation, recognize that there are strengths in your own natural style, and then learn to build on them.  

#4 You want to eliminate emotion from the equation.  

Bad idea. There’s power in passion when you back it up with facts and reasoning. It let’s an audience know you care about your topic and have done your homework. Tirades, shouting matches and tears don’t come under this category.  

#5 You want to learn how to talk to a group.  

Think again. So much of true communication is about listening and watching your audience. If they’re bored, argumentative, or confused – you need to see it and respond. Great communication starts by built on a give-and-take interchange.

So, how did you do? In some ways the VoicePro® approach demands something more of you – or at least something different. Yet, time and time again, I’ve seen clients shake their head in disbelief, laugh and say, “I get it now!” Are you ready for real, authentic change? Find out more about the VoicePro® Philosophy and explore how we utilize it in our Speak! Present! Influence!™ workshop.

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5 Reasons Stories Are Better For Public Speaking

By Scott Danielson

 

 

A common public speaking tip is to use humorous stories.  Likewise, many of VoicePro®’s articles have stated that using funny personal stories far outweighs using jokes. Of course the question remains: Why not jokes!? To give insight into the benefit of storytelling, we offer you five reasons that stories are better than jokes when you give your next business presentation.

#1 They're Unfamiliar

If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of telling someone a joke they’ve already heard, the result is often unfavorable. Sometimes they laugh.  Sometimes they force a laugh of out pity. Or finally, as when I tell jokes to my sister, they stop you mid joke and correct you on the delivery. Of course, not every audience member will know your jokes. However, those that do will question your authenticity. Will they know a funny story from your childhood? Unless they were there, your story will be something new.

#2 They're Easy To Memorize

As a speaker, you should be properly prepared for your presentation. You should know your audience, check on any technical equipment beforehand, and know your material. If you’re giving a presentation about your specialty, this won't be a problem. Adding something you don’t know as well, like a joke, for the presentation adds an element of memorization you don't need. As comic Dan Licoppe explains, your own stories don’t require any memorization: you know them. Eliminate an unnecessary risk, and use your own stories.

#3 They Avoid A Punch Line Pause

Traditionally, jokes have a specific format. The setup or premise comes first, and then the punch line which spins the setup to inspire laughter. But if the punch line doesn’t resonate with your audience, the punch line creates a public speaking nightmare: unplanned silence. This is awkward for everyone. Stories are preferable because you can avoid the expectation of laughter.  If there's laughter, that's great.  If they don't, you can continue unscathed. In fact, you may discover parts of your story that you didn’t intend to be funny are hilarious to your audience. 

#4 They're Less Likely To Offend

Have you ever been told a joke you found offensive? Unless the joke was a personal attack, the joke-teller probably had no intention of offending anyone. This is a major downside of joke telling. Jokes about political candidates will offend their supporters. Jokes about lawyers will offend lawyers and even people espoused to lawyers. It's hard to tell a joke that doesn't offend someone. Personal stories, on the other hand, are based upon your own experiences rather than direct mockery of any group or person.  Self-depricating stories are a great option since you'll only offend yourself.

#5 They're Real

As strange as it seems, audiences often forget that the speaker front of them is a human being. The affect is usually compounded if the speaker wields power over us. Jokes don’t show humanity because they lack realism. When’s the last time you walked into a bar with a priest and a rabbi for a drinks? Your experiences are real.  Best of all, people can relate to them. When’s the last time all the traffic lights seemed to change to red when you were running late? Most people have experienced something similar.  Personal stories give us a grounding in reality and let the audience connect because "that's happened to me too!" 

For more public speaking information and tips follow us on Twitter or ask us for more information. 

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Public Speaking Lessons From A (Missing) Pregnant Pause

 By Carolyn Dickson

 

Recently, the eyes of the world turned to YouTube, where a solemn voice declaimed, “This is the BBC World News. I’m Jonathan Charles kept hidden for almost two decades . . . .”

My imagination quickly jumped to a picture of poor Jonathan, locked up in a wood shed, waiting patiently for 20 years, only to be let loose—just for this broadcast.

While the video gave a few chuckles to the over two million viewers who have clicked on it at the time of this writing, Jonathan’s blooper points up a problem common to all broadcasters—and to many businesspeople: The urge to speed up traps speakers in a morass of words, and once they get going they don’t notice what they’re saying. At that point all meaning is lost.

Good writing is filled with punctuation marks, thoughtfully placed to signal where to start reading and where to stop. Commas are a symbol of one kind of pause, while periods are another. The exclamation point is much more emphatic! Semicolons, colons, capital letters, question marks and dashes—all provide clues to the interpretation of the paragraph.

Speaking is no different. The starting and stopping must be there. There can be no doubt about when and where the punctuation belongs. But your audience can’t see the commas, periods, and long dashes. They must hear them in your voice. This is what got Jonathan Charles in trouble. Without letting us hear the period after his name, he practically forced us to visualize that wood shed where he was to remain trapped all those many years.

Too many speakers are afraid of silence. The thought of appearing to lose their place—or not knowing what to say next—fills them with dread. These speakers fill empty spaces with “ah’s” and “uh’s,” coughs nervous giggles, and other distracting fillers. Or they race nervously ahead, overwhelming their listeners with sounds, when often they should just…stop…talking.

 Pauses stimulate attention by allowing the audience time to digest what you’ve said and anticipate what’s to come. They give you recovery time, a quiet moment to relax, breathe, and gather your thoughts. During pauses, you and your audience actually have time to look at each other, which gives you a good opportunity to connect with them on a personal level. It helps to think of pauses not as breaks in momentum, but as an integral part of the music of speech. They are bridges, not caverns. Your energy level doesn’t die; it moves forward to the conclusion of an idea. Long ago, I learned as a musician: “Sing through your rests.” Let the silence ring with eloquence. Daring to pause adds drama to your speaking because it is so rare.

Here’s an easy exercise that will help you calm your racing mind and add appropriate phrasing. Remember, in a written text, your eye absorbs the punctuation marks, even though you’re not conscious of them. The spoken word must be punctuated, too. So, choose a passage from a presentation you’ve given, or from an upcoming one. Then, as you talk, speak the punctuation—out loud.

For example (comma) tell your audience (comma) whoever they may be (comma) that you hope they’re listening to you (period) You want them to hear you (comma) believe in you (comma) and act on what you say (period—and longer pause to signify the end of a paragraph)

In our workshops, fast-talking clients can often leave the rest of the group breathless. After an exceptionally speedy delivery, we will ask them to tell us just exactly what they’ve said. We’re not surprised when they can’t. Like Jonathan Charles, they just wind up and let ‘er rip, without thinking about the meaning of their words or the impact they can have on an audience.

So, think about meaning. Add the pauses that will bring life to your presentation. If you don’t, you’ll be sorry. Why? Because your audience will almost certainly send you off to the woodshed.

Want more tips on public speaking?  Follow us on Twitter or contact us for more information.

Video provided by Jeremy Hillman

5 Communication Skills That Tell The Story

Posted By Leslie Dickson

 

5 things Robert Krulwich can teach you about storytelling.

Wow.  That’s all I can say.  If you haven’t seen science reporter Robert Krulwich’s commencement address at the Berkeley Journalism School, you’ll want to get to the Discover Magazine blog by Ed Yong to read it.  I think it’s likely to show up in VoicePro’s Persuasive PowerPoint, one of our presentation skills workshops, as an example of bringing storytelling’s power into PowerPoint presentations. 

You may recognize Mr. Krulwich’s name from Radiolab, the nationally syndicated science program he co-hosts from New York’s WNYC.  Or from his reports on ABC News, or his NPR blog, or a number of other publications and programs.

The speech is a wonderful inspiration to Berkeley’s journalism students entering a career that’s been turned upside down in a digital age when people get news of world revolution by watching a Twitter feed.  More than that, it’s a handbook on how to make your own luck in the world if you’re passionate.  And more than that, it’s great storytelling – the kind of storytelling that’s made him a sought-after journalist, writer and speaker. 

Mr. Krulwich’s Berkley address is a case study -- and a lesson plan -- in great storytelling.  Here are just 5 of the insights he so beautifully illustrates.

1. Start with the audience.  You need to know who you’re talking to, what their main concerns are, what their frame of reference is.  Mr. Krulwich taps right into an issue that’s top of mind: how do I get a job in a field drenched in chaos.  More than that, Krulwich worked to close the gap between a 50-ish icon and an audience of 20-something hopefuls.  He told a story! He brought them into his geeky, naïve beginnings making a video in his living room, hoping to get it on an underground local cable TV show. 

2. Have heroes and villains.  In other words, be sure there’s drama.   A story that just recounts an event like a fourth grade book report is lifeless.  Who’s the hero?  Who (or what) are the villains to be overcome.  In Mr. Krulwich’s story, his mentor Charles Kuralt (another iconic storyteller) had to battle CBS News’ change of focus from strong content to glitzy showbiz.

3. Details paint a picture.  I’ve never been in the newsroom of the CBS network, or forged credentials to a national presidential convention, or raced to the scene of a plane crash in New York.  Yet Krulwich took me there with details about the sunset through an office window, double-laminating his false press pass, the wild motorcycle ride to the crash scene.  What are the details that make your story real and memorable?

4. Humor has its place – when it has a point.  Only the gravest situations call for unrelenting seriousness.  An appropriate bit of humor can ease tension, set a stage, get the audience on your side, or instantly flip a switch to a new point of view. And remember, humor doesn’t mean “a joke.”   It should illuminate your point.  In Krulwich’s case, he uses humor to set the stage for a group of people worrying about the future:   

   “So how do you taste more of what you tasted [in college], which (if I can presume) includes the thrill of occasionally writing a good sentence, of asking exactly the right question at the right moment, of making two pieces of tape fit perfectly together, of getting to meet new people, go new places, see things unfold… these little satisfactions of journalism… how can you have more of that? That’s all you’re asking, right? That’s all you want. That, and a salary.”

5. Tell people what you want them to do.  Here’s the best part about a well-told story.  It creates the memorable treasure box that gives the message emotional staying power.  It helps people want to remember, feel the need, and have the internal drive to put the message of the story into action.  So, as they say in baseball, that’s the wind-up.  Don’t forget the pitch.  Remember to make clear what you want the result to be.  It can be specific action, but stories can be even more powerful setting up a paradigm shift in attitude, point of view or approach to certain issues. That’s why stories are so valuable in change management.  Krulwich exemplified that in his final words to the Berkeley grads. “Fall in love, with the work, with people you work with, with your dreams and their dreams.”

Next time you’re preparing for a presentation, ask the question:  what’s the story?

Learn to tell great stories with our  SpeakPresentInfluence seminar!

Facts vs. Assumptions: A Communication Skills Audio Clip

Posted by Greg Dickson

In this VoicePro^® audio clip, Luanne talks a little about the challenge of fact vs. assumption, and the possible ramification of their misidentification. Have a listen and let us know what you think. 

Luanne Paynick is Director of Creative Design, and a professional development coach at VoicePro Inc.

Truth Lies and Good Communication Skills